Traducteur provocateur: The small job
von Helena Stamatovic
Provoking is what he does best, arguing is his weapon of choice: Welcome to the outrageous world of the Traducteur provocateur. Today: "The small job".
TP: "Hello customer."
C: "Hey there translator. What is it now?"
TP: "It’s about that sentence you want me to translate by this afternoon. The headline for the latest news article."
C: "Ah, yes. What about it?"
TP: "I need a little more context."
C: "What context?"
TP: "The news article, for example. That would be nice."
C: "You and your special requests ... It’s crystal clear what the sentence means!"
TP: "Of course the sentence is clear, but I can’t translate it that way."
C: "Oh really? Why not?"
TP: (takes a deep breath) "Because this play on words doesn’t work in English. So I have to come up with something else. And I can only do that if I know what the news article says."
C: "Um, right. I hadn’t even noticed the play on words."
TP: "What a surprise ..."
C: "Hey, no reason to be sarcastic. You’re the specialist here." (types and clicks) "There, I sent it."
TP: "Great, thanks. Oh, and remember to write this down somewhere. So you’ll still know why I charge you an additional 30 minutes for this job."
C: "30 minutes? Are you insane? It’s only nine words!"
TP: "Yep. And I’ve been talking to you for ten minutes now, and I’ll spend at least another twenty to read the news article and find a decent title for it."
C: "Are you crazy? I had the extra work too! Quid pro quo."
TP: "Well. If you had thought of delivering the news article right away, I would not have had to call. Then maybe it would only have been fifteen minutes."
C: (hesitates and laughs) "You’re really funny, you know that?" (seriously) "Do me the favor and just translate that sentence for me, okay? Otherwise I’ll find another solution."
TP: "But …" (sighs) "All right, I get it. I won’t invoice it. But only because you regularly send me bigger jobs. That compensates for it."
C: "Well ..."
TP: "Yes?"
C: "I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that too. As a customer, I would expect a discount from you. For the bigger jobs, I mean."
TP: "Excuse me? Why?"
C: "Well, because that’s customary, isn’t it. Large jobs mean a discount."
TP: (thinks) "Hey! That’s an awesome idea! I also have one: From now on I charge you a minimum flat rate for your small jobs. That’s also customary, you know: Small jobs mean a surcharge. Incidentally, I’d also be happy to apply this to express jobs."
C: "Oh ..." (hesitates) "Hey, there’s someone calling on the other line! I have to let you go, sorry."
TP: "But ..."
C: "Please send me the sentence today, all right? You’re the best , really. We’re lucky to have you. Thanks! Bye!" (hangs up)